Trauma

TRIUMPH OVER TRAUMA

Be Set Free

WHAT IS TRAUMA or ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES (ACE)?

Trauma is not just what happened to you. It is what happened inside you as a result of what happened to you. It can follow a single event or build quietly over years of repeated experiences. Either way, our nervous system registers it as a threat, real or perceived, and does what it was designed to do. It protects you. How does it do this? The subconscious mind, connected to the neural pathways of the brain and the autonomic nervous system, senses “I am not safe” and locks a memory imprint into our perception. From that point forward, anything similar triggers the same alert: “I am not safe.”

The problem is that the nervous system operating in protection mode can become a prison. The defence mechanism takes over, and we react through one of the trauma responses or rotate through all at different times when we perceive “I am not safe”. Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn become our behavioural patterns, stuck in surviving the past, living in the present, repeating the patterns.

Some people move through difficult events and find their footing again without much help. Others find that no matter what they try, the weight of it keeps returning. The revolving door keeps turning. Patterns of thought and behaviour repeat, and they cannot find the exit. Left unaddressed, these experiences often give rise to depression, anxiety, passive aggression or outbursts of anger and sometimes alcohol or substance use as a way of coping and numbing the pain of shame, blame, guilt, resentment and bitterness.

Trauma does not only belong to individuals. Cultural trauma occurs when an entire group carries a wound across generations, as Indigenous Australians have, dispossessed of land, identity, and belonging. The story gets passed on even when the original event is long past.

Trauma comes from many experiences.

What often gets missed is that we tend to recognise the big, dramatic events as trauma and overlook the quieter ones. The experiences that did not come with a name. Growing up in a home where a parent drank too much, or where love felt conditional, or where the atmosphere was unpredictable and unsafe even if nothing obvious ever happened. Neglect. Overprotection. Emotional unavailability. A childhood that looked normal from the outside but felt anything but on the inside.

It can also look like a parent’s divorce or separation, moving house, changing schools, relocating to a new city or country. Being bullied. A sibling whose illness or disability needed more of the family’s attention, leaving you feeling invisible. A parent who was anxious, competitive, jealous or emotionally insecure. A persistent sense of having no control, of being abandoned, of not belonging or being left out.

And then there is the critical voice. The one that judged you early and quietly and made you feel that you were not quite good enough. That voice did not arrive from nowhere. It was shaped by what you, your nervous system experienced and what those experiences were interpreted to mean about you. Even prelanguage, the nervous system recorded it and although words may not at times describe it, it is there. Just a deep sense, I am not safe, something is wrong, something is missing.

The way we attached to our parents, our care givers and siblings in those early years imprints a pattern. And that pattern often tells the real story of what we carried. How we developed survival skills which still play out in our adult lives.

These are what researchers call Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs. They may not carry the weight of the word trauma in the way most people understand it, but they shape the nervous system just as powerfully. And they are often the ones sitting quietly underneath the patterns that brought you here today.

If you read the list below and think that is not me, I had a normal childhood, nothing happened to me, I want you to stay with that for a moment. Because sometimes the most significant experiences are the ones we never got permission to call difficult. Our nervous system does not just record what happened. It makes it mean something about who we are. Those meanings become beliefs and those beliefs become the lens through which we see ourselves, others and the world.

These beliefs become the anchors that keep the nervous system stuck on protective and defensive behaviour patterns. This is the core. It is the lie that creates a dysfunctional life, one that is stuck on repeat self-sabotage.

Signs: What you experience and others see.

Physical

Disrupted sleep, difficulty falling or staying asleep
Fatigue and low energy
Tension headaches or body pain with no clear cause
Shallow breathing or tightness in the chest
Digestive issues, nausea or stomach discomfort
Startling easily or being jumpy
Restlessness or an inability to sit still

Behavioural

Withdrawing from people and activities once enjoyed
Increased use of alcohol or substances
Frequent conflict with those closest to you
Difficulty staying on task or following through
Avoiding people, places or situations that feel triggering
Overworking or staying constantly busy to avoid stopping
People pleasing, perfectionism or constantly seeking approval
Shrinking yourself to keep others comfortable
Self-sabotaging patterns that repeat no matter what you try
Being triggered by words, sounds, smells or places that connect to the past

Symptoms: What no one sees and you experience.

Emotional

Persistent sadness, emptiness or numbness
Anger that sits just below the surface or erupts unexpectedly
Guilt or shame
Detached or disconnected from the people and things you love
Fear or dread that does not seem to have a clear source
Anxious or on edge even when there is no obvious threat

Cognitive

Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks or vivid memories
Nightmares or anxiety dreams that leave you unsettled
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
A mind that races or feels foggy and slow
Hypervigilance, constantly scanning for what might go wrong

Beliefs

Beneath every repeated pattern, every emotional reaction and every behaviour is a conviction. Most people are completely unaware it is there. It is not something you decided. It was written into you by your experiences before you had the words to question it. It runs silently and continuously, shaping every thought, feeling and choice. It sounds like: I am not enough. I am not safe. I am not worthy. I do not belong. It is the lie that creates a dysfunctional life, one that is stuck on repeat self-sabotage.

EMERGENCY SUPPORT

If you are having thoughts of suicide, self-harm, or harming others, please reach out now. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an emergency. You do not have to carry this alone.